How to know if Someone is Compatible with you

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Compatibility - fact or fallacy?

dog and cat

Why do I say that? I once heard a story of a preacher that made a point of telling every couple he wed, that they were incompatible! Why would he do that?.. because two people that have led self centred single lives, used to doing their own thing are basically incompatible! Of course he also told them that this incompatibility is exactly what allows the very possibility of real love - selflessness to exist and happen between the two. His point is a good one.

Often - especially modern folk think that the person they are to marry has to be their so-called 'perfect match' must be made in heaven in order to be right for them - their perfect patner, with no concern that they are the ones that in fact may be the ones that need to be 'right' - or to be more precise - become 'right' for the other person. In other words - in this fallen world no one is born 'right' for each other.

This is a heathen way of thinking more akin to the kind of dating tips you find in women's table-top mags than the reality of life and real relationships. I mean think about it - are we compatible ot 'right' for Jesus our husband? No way - but he still loves us all he same and hopefully he helps us to make ourselves right for his wedding despute all our many imperfections and spirtual ugliness!

God never waits for the perfect Christian person to fall into his lap before he decides to marry us. He takes us as we are so long as we accept Him (which isn't hard let's face it as He's perfect). And yet we do have more freedom and choice than he allowed himself which is worth noting when we start to get overly picky about other people.

So apart from making yourself ready, and becoming the right person for the person you are with or your future husband or wife, what are somethings that might make you a good match also?

Are you a Darwinian Dater?...

Oh dear - someone will actually start a site that claims to DNA match-make you and your perfect partner I'm sure after reading this! But serioulsy, take my parents for instance - they've been happily married for 60 years and really don't have all that much in common - but they do alot together and they love each other (here I mean the real meaning of love - to provide, nurture and be loyal). So I belive one has to work at making oneself compaitible for others. Not just taking a 'Darwinian' approach and hope that a perfectly mutated match will fall down from Mars on a rock to meet you all ready to go to the alter!

If people knew this before they got married - i.e in some senses it doesn't matter if you match - you need to make yourself a match - then we'd have hardly any divorce. as it is - 'not being compatible' is always cited as if it was a legitimate reason for divorce. Remember it's; "in health and sickness, richer or poor" and I will add - "compaitible and incompatible" - you'd better get your heads together and make yourselves and 'it' right!:)

Finding a good match...

OK having said that - there are of course practical things that can help in any relationship and make you a better 'match'.

Things in common are a plus and a few differences add a little spice! Are you on a similar wavelength? Ask yourself these questions and decide if you're a good match for your partner!


Since meeting your new friend, do you think of them often - a warm glow perhaps! What about appearance - did anything put you off?
Were your potential match fun?.. were you relaxed in their presence?

Common Interests

Finding a good Christian match in terms of compatibility isn't necessarily about having identical personalities as differences can compliment each other. But it may be worth considering the following:

  • Do you have common interests, tastes in music or anything else.

  • Do you spark each others imagination or was conversation dry. (keeping in mind it's never that easy at the start since you know little about each other).

  • Did you make each other laugh - could you imagine spending more than a day with them.

  • Are you on a similar intellectual plane - Rocket science is your favourite subject, but is it theirs?

  • Do your temperaments mix or do they clash?

  • Do have similar values?

  • Are you homely, outgoing or the socialite type?


Do they have ambitions to reach the sky?
Would their future plans fit with you?
What about background - could any practical problems arise here?
(studies show people from similar backgrounds are more likely to stay together - obviously not always the case).


What kind of friends does this person keep?... does this tell you anything about them? - It should!


It's true that love knows no bounds but are you willing to travel to see this person - and later on perhaps even move to their area?!

Mutual attraction

Did their body language indicate that they were interested?
Did they part with a warm good-bye or a sigh of relief!!!?

What to do if someone declines your offer of never-ending love!

Avoid the question; " what's wrong with me". You'll probably get what sounds like a load of excuses that leave you asking the wrong questions about yourself - like have I got a problem? - No, the simple fact is that people subconsciously search for personalities that are on their wavelength and sometimes it takes a while for people to realise they don't fit! If you can figure out incompatibility early on then it's saves a lot of heartache.

Finally... avoid judging a book by its cover!

Some people take time to show their colours. There may be a whole load of reasons why a person holds back or acts a certain way. Take the time to get to know someone or you'll miss opportunities. I've lost count of the number of times I've misjudged someone's character by taking their first words and initial impression as to how they really are.

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© 2024 This help article was written by Christian Singles Dating on how to find a good Christian match and relationship compatibility advice. Help finding your 'perfect' Christian husband or wife or soulmate. How to know if you are compatible with someone or right for each other tips and advice guide.

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