Ending a Relationship, Splitting or Breaking Up with Someone

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Ending a relationship with someone you love is Hard!

Yep - just as the song says; breaking up is hard to do and that's a massive under statement. In fact sometimes it's almost imposible even when you know in your heart it's a wrong relatisonship. That's why we keep repeating; make sure you don't get hitched to the wrong person by being hasstly. Always go slow, prayerfully and search your heart if the person is right for you. Now, assuming you reached this page because you are seriously considering that you got together with the wrong person - God bless you for being so strong (as it's far easier to just stay with someone until a 'better' offer comes on the scene than to do the right thing and break it off now). So if that's you please read on.

So where's the Relationship at?

Are you about to break up off or has it happened already? If you're about to, do it now. Don't wait one more day to ease their pain or yours. It's not fair to you or the other person. If the relationship has already ended, accept it and move on! Learning from your experience.

Can you still be friends when a Relationship is finished?

It's the worst line ever! But seriously - can you be friends after a break-up? Well - it depends. If the bond is deep it's unlikely - it may be too painful. The examples we find of people remaining friends are those who split for some time - often married couples, and relationships that involved no intimacy. If it's someone you trust not to manipulate your feelings then it may be possible.

You'll need a cool-off period. This avoids things being said that may be regretted or inhibit a future friendship. When you make contact use light conversation. Avoid confrontational talk or accusations such as "why did you break up with me?" In time, you might ask them to join you in a group but make sure it can't be construed as a date.

First you need to mend your broken heart!

There isn't a sure-fire way to mend a broken heart but there's definitely things you can to do to make it feel lighter and ready for new love. First, allow yourself to feel what you need to and take all the time in the world to get over the person. For some people it may only take a few weeks to move on and others years. The ideas below are not meant to cover up your loss but rather to help your healing process so you can move on and enjoy being single for a while!

Recommended book on healing a broken heart
Healing Hearts: Compassionate Writers on breaking up with a partner

You need some time to grieve

Remember, you just lost a loved one so grieving is the best thing you can do. Afterwards move on! There are ways to do this successfully! Things you might want to do include:

  • Throw away and objects that remind you of your past love.

  • meet new people.

  • Take a vacation or day trip with friends.

  • Talk about your break up and feelings.

  • Enjoy your new singleness - do something you wouldn't normally do!

  • Exercise. Take time to look good!

  • Learn something new.

  • Take yourself on a date, watch a film or eat your favourite food.

  • Do things you said you always wanted to do when you were with your partner but never did.

  • Get a new look.

Beware the rebound relationship!

Remember to resist finding a new love straight away. Rebound relationships ease the pain but are doomed from the beginning! You don't have the "get to know each other" bit. If you do find someone of romantic interest take it slow - you'll be glad you did!

Getting back with your past love!

If something was strong enough to end the relationship the first time, it's safe to say the same issue will come up again. Be aware of this.

Confide in the right people (only a few)!

Don't confide in the opposite gender at this vulnerable time. Men and women can rarely do this without at least one ending up with romantic feelings Also don't confide in someone that can't keep their mouth closed (that's most of us in churches today I'm sorry to say!).

Avoid the question -" what's wrong with me".
You'll probably get what sounds like a load of excuses that leave you feeling insecure - like you've got a problem. The simple fact is that people subconsciously search for personalities that are on their wavelength and sometimes it takes a while for people to realise that their personalities don't fit! If you can figure out incompatibility early on then it's a lot of heartache saved. But by the same token don't judge a book by it's cover - some people take time to show their true colours, and not because they're insecure, there may be a whole load of reasons why they hold back. Take the time to get to know someone or you'll miss opportunities. I've lost count of the number of times that I've totally misjudged someone's character by taking their first words as how they are. True - what's in the heart comes out of the mouth but not always straight away!

What is to love?

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Not even an animal. Wrap it carefully with hobbies and luxuries, avoid all entanglements and keep it safe in the casket of your selfishness. But in the casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable".

C.S Lewis The Four Loves

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