| How
to accept yourself as you are
What
is wrong with living with someone before marriage?
How to learn to accept yourself
One of life’s greatest challenges is accepting yourself.
For a variety of reasons the longer we live the more challenging
it becomes to accept the totality of who we really are.
There are choices, events, or characteristics that we
would rather not think about.
Somewhere along the early path of life each of us begins
to choose to ignore, or put aside, realities that we just
do not want to face. The unfortunate part is that we began
to accumulate these into our spirit and continue to neglect
to deal with them in a healthy manner. Can you imagine
the impact this has upon our lives once these become so
entwined into our self-perception?
The world about us makes it easy to pour our attention
into vehicles of escape. Activity is usually the first
place we turn in an attempt to become someone else. This
activity can be in a job, exercise, self-improvement,
or even searching for a life partner.
The activity only serves as a mask and causes us to grow
more and more distant from reality. It is not surprising
that many adults have little idea of who they really are.
They are on a journey of discovery but place the focus
on external aspects rather than looking to the root of
their yearning - within.
In a nutshell, life becomes all about doing. It is activity
oriented rather than being at peace from within. Another
way of saying this is not finding your identity in what
you do but in who you are.
Self-denial is rampant in our society. Self-denial leads
to self-deception that causes us to make wrong impressions
about others. This is a huge topic and I will devote another
article to this subject. For the purposes of this article,
self-denial is when we consciously make a choice not to
deal with something within ourselves because of the pain,
or perceived pain. It seems easier to deny that it exists
and ignore the reality. Pushing through the pain is a
fundamental element in moving to a healthy place.
How do you know if you are not accepting yourself and
in self-denial? The following comes to mind for your consideration:
1. Your focus is on others. You are constantly comparing
what they have to what you do not. You may wish for their
material things, such as a car, house, or even their job.
It may be something more intangible, such as the relationship
they enjoy or their status in life. This focus makes you
miserable.
2. You are in search of your own identity. You do not
like your self-identity and set out to emulate someone
else’s. If only you were like “?” life
would be more enjoyable.
3. Your focus is on pleasure. This is a major escape
activity to keep you from facing some hard issues that
you need to process. Check your calendar and see where
you are spending your time. Your calendar is blank? Then
check and see where you are spending your time (i.e. TV,
Internet looking for a relationship, etc.).
4. You blame another person for your lot in life. You
can always find someone who has injured you to some degree.
God gave us the principle of forgiveness not just for
the other person, but also as a significant tool to allow
us to not be trapped as a result of the actions of others.
5. A feeling of being out of balance is experienced often.
Many people out of balance are not aware that they are
seriously warped! Let me put it another way. Stop for
a moment and think about what is going on deep within
you. Describe to yourself the “force” that
you feel drives you. The stronger the force the more out
of balance you are. The result of being out of balance
is that your spirit is on autopilot rushing to fill the
void behind that force. It is very challenging and requires
constant attention but being in balance in our spirits,
minds, bodies, finances, and relationships with God and
man is essential to peace and joy.
Why is it worth the effort to discern who you really
are?
The significance of making the effort to accept yourself
as you really are is so that you will have a healthy base
upon which you and God can build the total person you
were born to become. You have a purpose that can only
be realized if you are authentic and at a healthy place
to hear wisdom and guidance. It is not the bottom of life
but rather a place of strength.
Search as much as you wish to attempt to find yourself,
but there is only one foundation that will serve you well.
It begins with God and accepting his love and desire for
you.
Psalm 139:14
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully
made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
Friend, God knows you well – all of you. He knows
your sins, your promptings, and your longings. He even
knows your sins and your sinful habits. In spite of that
he loves you. He says that it is okay to be you, sinner
and saint. Accept yourself as he does so that you can
see what he sees in your future. |
